Few days from now it will be mother’s day again. It will be five yrs since I’ve last spent it with you. I can still clearly remember the mother’s day gift I had for you that year. A Nokia 30something series and a short course on cellphone texting. I know 2 months after that mother’s day we will be 12 hours timezone apart. I just want to make sure you will be just within my reach when I badly need you, because I know no matter how old and all grown-up I get I will forever be needing you. The OB-GYN who delivered me may have cut the umbilical cord that connected us for nine months but I know nothing can severe the emotional & spiritual cord that we have as mother and daughter.
Our first five yrs together perhaps has been the hardest in all the 39 yrs. I had the great privelege to introduce you to a whole new world of motherhood.. and its me who baptized you with a new name..Nanay… You loved me….i know..even before I was born you loved me more than your very own life. So much love that you have to let go of the American dream that you almost had within your reach. You had the chance to come here with the condition that you have to give birth to me first, leave me behind before you can go. Your visa was valid from Aug to Oct that yr , I was scheduled to be born sometime September. They will not allow you on board at 8 months but you cannot afford to leave me behind barely a month old. So you chose what others may think as the dumbest decision. You decided to stay , set aside the dream for awhile. But 3 miscarriage after me you totally forgot about it until the job availability & US visa lapsed.
You had me ..just me for 5 yrs. It was a tough yr. So many trials for us.I was 4 when you cried on my shoulder all you heartaches and pains. Back then you thought I don’t understand what was going on little did you know that my tiny heart can feel love and pain as much a you do, and my young mind was like a sponge making mental notes of all that was going on. . Age four I had to learn the word forgiveness. I am this strong now because I knew I had to be strong for you back then. And that strength and courage never left me.
Even if people have wronged us we chose not to take revenge in our hands nor did we allow them to trample on our spirit , with you I’ve learned to chose the extreme right , the uttermost good, having enough allowance for our own weaknesses lest we fall into self pity or rebellion.
I know you tried so hard so protect us from all the harmful elements of this life, But you can only do so much. I knew you were not a superwoman because you never pretend to be one infront of me. You are who you really are, no pretentions , you never tried to deceived me with fairy-tale like bedtime stories or let me play in make-believe. Instead we faced our worst fears together side by side , you were my strength and I was yours. Since then I’ve learned what bravery means. While other 4 or 5 yrs old are playing dolls and teacups, I already have a headstart in dealing with the realities of life. Other kids’ mental ability is measure by IQ , you have a different standard for me and we call it WQ ( wisdom quotient )
As I grew up I’ve learn to look at things, people and experiences around me with wisdom and depth. I had 4 siblings after me, but sibling rivalry never existed among your children. Instead we support and encourage each other. We lack on so many things back then, life was hard and rarely do we get the luxury of new shoes & dresses on holidays. But even then we never envy the wealth of others because we know we have something other families don’t and that is you ,tatay , us and our positive outlook , our appreciation of the blessings that we received from God . Contentment, humor, determination, faith in God and in each other propelled us.
( TO BE CONTINUED )
